Sleeping with the Neighbors

Some people probably thought that this would be an "R" rated post, but it's just a little conversation about an author that we met who published a book about community and neighbors. The author is Peter Lovenheim and the book is "In the Neighborhood". He began this project after a murder suicide occurred on his street and he realized how insular many (probably most) of us have become. I became intrigued when I heard about the book because the author lives in a suburb of Rochester New York, and my daughter Karen lives in another Rochester suburb.


 In The Neighborhood: The Search for Community on an American Street, One Sleepover at a Time 

He relates the tragic story of what happened that day in February of 2000, and discusses a couple of "what if" scenarios that might have saved a couple of lives. Basically, this was a wealthy neighborhood where nobody really knew anybody on the street, and the author postulates that feeling comfortable enough to ask a neighbor for help is the real definition of a neighborhood. One person that he interviewed commented that he "lives in this house, but not in the neighborhood".

It's at first thought interesting to me how difficult it seems to have been for him to connect with the people on the street. He ended up interviewing half of the 36 households. Perhaps because he told people up front that he was doing research for a book, people were wary about losing their privacy. And, I do wonder if "the street" has become a minor tourist attraction.

I must admit that this book has piqued my interest about my own neighbors. (and made me a little sad - I only know a few neighbors by name -- it's usually just a wave -- and I've only been inside of three houses on the street - this after living here 17 years!!!!). On the other hand, I can understand what has happened. Years ago people lived and worked in close proximity. There are tenements in New Bedford that were built specifically for the people who worked for a particular factory. For better or worse, you knew your neighbors. The churches served the people of a particular ethnic group. People lived near others that they had things in common with. I don't know what I have in common with most of my neighbors. Hopefully this book has encouraged me to learn.

The author relates a Jewish teaching that to really know someone you must know what sorrows they bear. There are many emotional stories - that's what happens when you get to know the neighbors and learn about their loneliness, their illnesses, their lives. Some of his neighbors have died. Some moved. Some divorced. Hopefully they all were changed for the better through becoming better neighbors..

The book ends with a hopeful quote from Pamela in Jackson, Mississippi: "Neighbors are special: they are people who look out for you every day because they are there every day... If we all cared about our neighbors, we could change the world one street at a time."